being outside of my comfort zone is so hard, and i also used to struggle with accepting love and care from a real intimate place. Which is paradoxical. 

> fucking shit

anyways. I love my partner so much. but it doesn't hurt. this feels fulfilling, safe, trusting. Which is a change from past relationships that i welcome gladly. He does not feel the same tho, he talks about how it hurts sometimes. 

anyways, it feels so comforting being around them, that i swear to god i have whiplash on monday when i have to come back to reality and accomplish my insufferable little tasks